so here is hoping my pending nausea passes... awesome. went to bryant park movie night, drank quite a bit of wine, and watched very little of the movie. friends' friend was there. met him once before at a birthday party in may(?). i thought we hit it off then, but he had a girlfriend and left soon after i arrived. still has a girlfriend, which makes me uncomfortable but insists it isn't serious. one friend clearly didn't think it was okay for him to be flirting with me. the other two, who have hooked up with him in the past, are all for it. supposed to do dinner before a "booze cruise" around manhattan thursday night. not sure what i'm thinking about all this other than my stomach hurts. crap.
edit: at what point do you become that girl? is this innocent fun or is this enabling his "bad" behavior?
23 comments:
Make sure you eat like a steak dinner before going on that booze cruise.
Hope you feel better!
yeah... why is there so much drinking already planned into my schedule for this week? am i entering a party phase like i had in the fall? i hope not.
Wait, the other friends have hooked up with him, as in hooked up? Cruise with just you and him or a group thing?
I think that if you know he has a girlfriend, no matter what he says, and you do anything that can no longer be classified as just friends, you become that girl. Think of how his girlfriend would feel... Also, considering that he's like that doubtful that anything serious would happen anyway, so why waste time?
Hehe, mmmm... drinking.... Plan on it when we're in town :)
Right. Yes, they did. I believe the cruise was initially just us, but I think he ended up inviting Elizabeth and Megan. Dinner though probably would just be us?
I'm not sure. The whole thing is a bit of a blur. I need to review the extensive texting we did after they dropped me off on their way home. He insisted on taking me home via cab from Bryant Park, even though they all list in Sunnyside/Astoria.
All of it didn't seem so unreasonable last night, but today it seems like more of a bad idea. I was very unhappy about the similar situation w/ J this Fall and I wasn't aware of the girl. Not sure how to retract either though.
Why waste time? Because he is charming and I'm intrigued by him. My friends say he is a good guy. I believe them. Besides, it wouldn't be any different than wasting time with J.
No MMMMMMMM drinking.
You become "that" girl when you sleep with him. Maybe kiss him. And it has to be habitual behavior, not just a one-night thing.
Eh on enabling...it's not like he wouldnt' do it if you weren't there.
Yall should hatch a plot to let his gf know. On the other hand, she could be doing the same thing and they're both completely fine with it. You never know.
I don't think she is aware from what I gathered last night. Sounds like he isn't sure...she is older and putting on the pressure b/c she wants to have some kids soon.
I wish this was simple and I could just be excited that someone I was intrigued by wants to take me out dressed up. He just texted me.
Apparently I broke up his flirting by tacking on a statement of general displeasure about the budget deficit last night. Gosh I'm cool.
Well, if he's just not that into her... In any case, don't do anything you'll regret. If he might be on his way out of that relationship anyway, and you're interested hold out on any physical things until that's broken off.
And the fact that he's willing to have dinner dates with other females is a big red-flag no-no, no matter how otherwise sweet and into you he is. Bc obviously he doesn't understand the idea of "commitement".
Recalling each time I thought MB and I were "dating" in college only to discover he was in relationship with someone else, I have canceled. Something along the lines of "I'd love to but the circumstances aren't right. I've been in your girl's shoes... I'll see you for the other fun though." He'll be out Friday/Saturday where I will be. But I am bummed. I do think he is a good, interesting guy.
Guys aren't ready for commitment until they are. I know it sounds like I am, but I'm not too worried about settling down yet. I'd love the regular attention, affection and companionship that comes for a relationship but... *shrug* Meeting somewhere here, where I don't plan to stay forever, is rather pointless anyway.
Glad to know you know where you are in this situation. I had thought about it and wanted to say that you don't HAVE to go out with any guy, just because he may like you. So yay Sarah.
It isn't that I had to. It was that I wanted to. He hasn't really given up.
You know what is funny? My parents are all for it.
Seriously? And you told them the whole story? That just goes to show you that all parents are crazy.
Well I can't wait to hear all about it.
Yes. They said no one was married and we were young. How were you supposed to get to know guys if not through dating? They also liked his honesty. Parents are REALLY weird.
I wonder if Megan and Elizabeth are doing it. If they are, then it could be more of a casual group activity. Whatever, right now, I am not going.
Wait I thought he asked you to dinner, just you and he. And I thought you were going! Did I miss something?
Woah! Parents ARE weird! I'm still of the opinion of no dates until he's out of his relationship. Hypothetically, if there is some possibility of you guys dating, would you want to remember that you were the other woman at the beginning? Seems, like that would not only cheapen you but also give doubt to whether or not he's doing the same thing to you...
That being said, I'm not against you being in contact with him and seeing him in group situations and even flirting a bit, without crossing a line. If that will encourage him to end the other relationship especially...
I think they're looking at it from the perspective of, they're only dating, who cares? Where we're still looking at it from the perspective as dating is enough. Does that make sense?
I suppose. I still disagree. I don't think the pain for the gf vs wife who is cheated on is very different. She obviously thinks they are serious since she wants to get married and start a family.
What is marriage anyway? How is it different from being in a committed dating relationship? There are legal perks, otherwise why bother getting married?
Well, the pain isn't different, but the consequences are. Cheating on someone's bf/gf is a lot different than cheating on a spouse. It's the same difference as between a misdemeanor and a felony.
If she's ready to get married and start a family but he's not, they could be headed for splitsville anyway.
Marriage is more serious, more of a commitment. Marriage is for real, just dating is just dating, not as permanent.
But the whole permanent vs. not permanent understanding is a social concept. There are actually plenty of couples who having been in committed relationships for years, have & raise kids, live together, pay for bills together but don't really see the point of "getting married". Who says that you HAVE to get married in order to have a permanent relationship? I mean, look at the divorce rate. Obviously getting married is not so permanent in most people's minds. I have a problem with saying that since someone is not married then it's okay to break up the couple because someone thinks it implies they are not serious about each other.
It is a social construct, but it's also a universal construct. There are plenty of couples who live together, etc. but after 7 or 9 years living together they automatically become married unless they sign something stating they wish not to- a common-law marriage.
I still say it's different because you can't get any more serious than marriage. If they were really serious, they would get married, or live together, etc.
I'm not saying it's ok in either situation, but I think it's worse to break up a marriage than to break up a couple. In either situation it's not the "other" person doing it, anyway, it's the couple themselves who have chosen to self-destruct, and the "other" person is just a reason.
First, Did you vote for NMSS on the facebook thing I posted? If not, please do. It doesn't cost anything and the application isn't permanent.
Yes, I think it is wrong to go on a date with someone who is dating someone else. I get the misdemeanor/felony bit but yeah wrong is wrong. It hurts the other party, who might think they are exclusive. It cheapens the whole situation and creates doubt about your future prospects. That is why I declined, although it was/is hard to make that decision when I would otherwise be interested in exploring it.
Not that he is aware, but I know have created a pressured situation. I shouldn't have mentioned it, because now if he ever is single and I go out with him people are going to think of this and have a bad impression.
He initially invited me to join him for a drinking/night cruise around Manhattan. Then he added a dinner before. He also invited E&M to the cruise that same night, after inviting me.
The I'M making a difference thing? No, I don't believe in them. How can you possible sponsor a cause by hosting an application on facebook unless you're paying to use it? It's all bark and no bite.
Wait, I don't understand. If you declined now, they break up and then you go out w/ him, how is that bad? And who cares what other people think?
And where's the pressure? That he leave his gf? Then that's good pressure! Seems like he added them to make you feel comfortable, but if you're not comfortable no matter what then it's just not happening.
It is a poll. They are aiming to get an audience for the product, which I have no intention of using as I don't even barely gchat. If people view it, then the promotion serves its purpose.
Yeah, if they break up at some point and we go out it will be fine hopefully or it could just involve too many expectations making it awkward. Suggesting that someone break up with someone else to go on one date with you is weird. Whatever. I don't want to talk about it anymore.
I just discovered a giant hole in the skirt of my favorite suit from the bug situation earlier this year. :(
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